Chris Rock: Trending quotes

“You can only offend me if you mean something to me.”

“I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law.”

“I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.”

“If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.”

“I do what I can do when I can do it.”

“You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense”

“Men are as faithful as their options.”

“Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?”

“Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing.”

“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”

“If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.”

“Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.”

“Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.”

“Women need food, water, and compliments
That's right.
And an occasional pair of shoes.”

“Men lie the most,

women tell the biggest lies.”

“Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.”

“When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.”

“You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”

“You mean to tell me that Jamaicans invented sugar, reggae and the best drug on Earth and the white man makes all the money!?”