Bill Allred Quotes

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“I like boob-sweat. I have some right now.”

“Wouldn't you like a nose like his full of quarters?”

“What do you mean you washed my three-piece hemp suit in the laundry?”

“You know, that's the first time I've ever been able to smell a website.”

“I saw a picture of Lou Reed and David Bowie standing together and it looked like an AD for jerky.”

“KSL is the Zoloft of the evening news.”

“I've had other kinds of spurts, but 'growth' was not one of them.”

“There isn't anything on you, body or brain, that thinks.”

“I gotta go pinch off a norbit.”

“I've got a powerful thirst for some of that lactation.”

“Honey? Traffic's kinda busy and you're naked. Honey!?”

“I am filled to the brim with the goodness of me.”

“Do what is right let the booty follow.”

“People who read my magazine wax their turtles all the time.”

“It's fun to watch butter on the hoof.”

“I'm telling you, back in those Wendover days, it wasn't that hard to get it out of me.”

“Nothing will wilt spinach like an Egyptian fart.”

“Don't look at me weird. I'm sandwich crazy.”

“You haven't tasted my mouth! God!”

“Nothing cleans my palette like a polka.”

“You're a quirky doctor aren't you? Good, because I have a sore quirky.”

“Hello!? Stop by for coitus!”

“A rich compost of turkey manure and wood shavings.”

“The juice is guilt.”

“Growing up with the runs.”

“I don’t have a fetus.”

“I'm too hot to mate.”

“Buttle me Boris!”

“I'm talking from my muff.”

“Eat your way to safety!”

“I never cry over pie.”

“Take my prostate, please!”

“Our show curdles milk.”

“I think I just got horny.”

“Words can hurt, you stupid bitch.”