Artemus Ward Quotes

Charles Farrar Browne was an American humor writer, better known under his nom de plume, Artemus Ward. He is considered to be America's first stand-up comedian. His birth name was Brown but he added the "e" after he became famous. Wikipedia  

✵ 26. April 1834 – 6. March 1867
Artemus Ward photo
Artemus Ward: 24 quotes6 likes

Famous Artemus Ward Quotes

“Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrer [sic] money to do it with.”

Artemus Ward

Science and Natural History, Letter VII http://books.google.com/books?id=DYdEAAAAcAAJ&q=%22let+us+all+be%22+%22and+live+within+our+means,+even+if+we+have+to+borrer+money+to+do+it+with%22&pg=PA165#v=onepage to Punch, part of the Artemus Ward in London series (22 October 1866).

“Did you ever have the measels, and if so, how many?”

Artemus Ward

Artemus Ward, His Travels, The Census.

Artemus Ward Quotes

“I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.”

Artemus Ward

Artemus Ward, His Travels http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/eafbin2/toccer-eaf?id=Weaf483&tag=public&data=/www/data/eaf2/private/texts&part=0, Lecture (1865).

“I am not a politician, and my other habits are good, also.”

Artemus Ward

Fourth of July Oration.

“…their eyes sparkled like diminds, their cheeks was like roses, and they was charmin enuff to make a man throw stuns at his granmother, if they axed him to.”

Artemus Ward

The Shakers. <br class="br"> Artemus Ward, His Book http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/eafbin2/toccer-eaf?id=Weaf482&amp;tag=public&amp;data=/www/data/eaf2/private/texts&amp;part=0 (1862)

“The female woman is one of the greatest institooshuns of which this land can boste.”

Artemus Ward

Woman&#x27;s Rights. <br class="br"> Artemus Ward, His Book http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/eafbin2/toccer-eaf?id=Weaf482&amp;tag=public&amp;data=/www/data/eaf2/private/texts&amp;part=0 (1862)

“N. B. This is rote sarcastikul.”

Artemus Ward

A Visit to Brigham Young. <br class="br"> Artemus Ward, His Book http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/eafbin2/toccer-eaf?id=Weaf482&amp;tag=public&amp;data=/www/data/eaf2/private/texts&amp;part=0 (1862)

“The fack can't be no longer disgised that a Krysis is onto us.”

Artemus Ward

The Crisis. <br class="br"> Artemus Ward, His Book http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/eafbin2/toccer-eaf?id=Weaf482&amp;tag=public&amp;data=/www/data/eaf2/private/texts&amp;part=0 (1862)

“Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness?”

Artemus Ward

Moses, the Sassy.

“My pollertics, like my religion, being of an exceedin' accommodatin' character.”

Artemus Ward

The Crisis. <br class="br"> Artemus Ward, His Book http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/eafbin2/toccer-eaf?id=Weaf482&amp;tag=public&amp;data=/www/data/eaf2/private/texts&amp;part=0 (1862)

“I now bid you a welcome adoo.”

Artemus Ward

The Shakers. <br class="br"> Artemus Ward, His Book http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/eafbin2/toccer-eaf?id=Weaf482&amp;tag=public&amp;data=/www/data/eaf2/private/texts&amp;part=0 (1862)

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