Quotes from book
The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary
Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary is a satirical dictionary written by American Civil War soldier, journalist, and writer Ambrose Bierce consisting of common words followed by humorous and satirical definitions. The lexicon was written over three decades as a series of installments for magazines and newspapers. Bierce's witty definitions were imitated and plagiarized for years before he gathered them into books, first as The Cynic's Word Book in 1906 and then in a more complete version as The Devil's Dictionary in 1911.

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“Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Clock, n.: A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Callous, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Virtues, n. pl. Certain abstentions.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Kilt, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Zeus, n. The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores of America, and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance to the interior, have thought that these four names stand for as many distinct deities, but in his monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists that the natives are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom he worships under many sacred names.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“White, adj. and n. Black.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Hers, pron. His.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Accord, n. Harmony.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Once, adj. Enough.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Forgetfulness, A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)