Quotes from book
The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary
Ambrose Bierce

The Devil's Dictionary is a satirical dictionary written by American Civil War soldier, journalist, and writer Ambrose Bierce consisting of common words followed by humorous and satirical definitions. The lexicon was written over three decades as a series of installments for magazines and newspapers. Bierce's witty definitions were imitated and plagiarized for years before he gathered them into books, first as The Cynic's Word Book in 1906 and then in a more complete version as The Devil's Dictionary in 1911.

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“Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standards in matters of thought and conduct. To be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Incompossible, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both — as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Backbite, v. t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Freemasons, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucius, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids — always by a Freemason.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Revelation, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven. ”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Witch, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Ambrose Bierce photo

“Bacchus, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.”

Ambrose Bierce book The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)