“Man, it was a good thing vampires didn't get cancer. Lately he'd been chain-smoking like a felon.”

“Not smoking enough will cause lung cancer! If anybody is getting a cancerous activity in the lung, the probabilities are that it's radiation dosage coupled with the fact that he smokes. And what it does is start to run out the radiation dosage, don't you see.”

“If a man didn't make mistakes he'd own the world in a month.
But if he didn't profit by his mistakes he wouldn't own a blessed thing.”

“Did you bring me a hamburger?
Did I-No, Myrnin, I didn't bring you a hamburger. Bizarre. He'd never asked for that before.
Coffee?
It's late.
Doughnuts?
No.
What good are you then?”

“He'd never been all that good at math, but he was a goddamned world-famous expert in getting dumped.”

“Yeah, I'm one of those guys--I'm either totally on time and--and everything's good, or I just--I just didn't know what happened, you know, and I just totally don't show up. Like not like late, like, I didn't know--my problem is that sometimes I'm real bad at getting information and retaining it, so…I dunno…Sometimes it's more forgetting than late.”

“She blew more smoke toward me, a lazy game of cancer catch.”

“Poets knew that isolation in nature, far from people and things man-made, was good for the soul, and he'd always identified with poets.”

“There are two levels of vampirism: one is the regular vampire, which is just like it has always been; and then there's the super vampires, which are a new breed we've created.”

“When I started worrying about stocks, it was the late 1930s and early 1940s and it didn't seem like a good way to make money then, either.”