“Since you won't give me your names I'll call you Thing One and Thing Two.”

“I'll give you leave to call me anything, if you don't call me "spade."”

“I am everything
Tonight I'll be your mother— I will
Do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed.”

“Let the world call me a fool,
But if things are right with me and you,
That's all that matters.
And I'll do anything you asked me to.”

“Yossarian decided to change the subject. "Now you're changing the subject." he pointed out diplomatically. "I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.”

“I'll call you," he repeated.
"If you call me, I won't pick up the phone."
"You will wait by the phone for my call, and when it rings, you will pick it up and you will speak to me in a civil manner. If you don't know how, ask someone.”

“Show me a man or a woman alone and I'll show you a saint. Give me two and they'll fall in love. Give me three and they'll invent the charming thing we call 'society'. Give me four and they'll build a pyramid. Give me five and they'll make one an outcast. Give me six and they'll reinvent prejudice. Give me seven and in seven years they'll reinvent warfare. Man may have been made in the image of God, but human society was made in the image of His opposite number, and is always trying to get back home.”

“Let me tell you one or two things about Islam.”

“We've been wed more than a month. Since it appears you mean to stay, I might as well give you leave to call me by my christian name. It is preferable, at any rate, to 'clodpole.”

“You can choose to die. You can choose to run… but dying alone won't change a thing. Trust me on that one. If you really want things to change… you're going to have to live.”