“People who have children have the best work-avoidance excuses in the world. If you don't have kids, get some immediately. The playgrounds are full of them.”

“Be wary of people who stab you in the back repeatedly & then behave like they're the ones who have been wronged. It's best to avoid them.”

“I believe God's system is the best! He made kids able to get married & have children at 12, 13 & 14, & if you ask me, He must have known that was the best age, because then they could kind of grow up with their own kids.”

“People knock ASBOs but you have to bear in mind they are the only qualification some of these kids are going to get.”

“You -- (applause continues) -- you know, the idea that you have to wait on line for eight hours to cast your ballot in Florida -- there's something the matter with that. You think people can work all day and then pick up their kids at child care or wherever, and get home and then have a -- still manage to sandwich in an eight-hour vote? Well, Republicans, I guess, can do that, because a lot of them have never made an honest living in their lives. (Light applause.) But for ordinary working people, who have to work eight hours a day, they have kids, they got to get home to those kids, the idea of making them stand for eight hours to cast their ballot for democracy is wrong. We ought to make voting easier to do. Mail -- Oregon has got it right. (Applause.)”

“The world is full of people who all want the same thing, and you have to do a little something extra to make them remember you.”

“Kids are great. That's one of the best things about our business, all the kids you get to meet. It's a shame they have to grow up to be regular people and come to the games and call you names.”

“Give the world the best you have, and you will get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have got anyway!”

“There is no such thin as having understanding or tolerance for this. … When I have spoken about this in the past, secular people called to thank me. People don't want it. They want their children to get married and have children.”

“Some people are easier to love when you don't have to be around them.”