“I do want to marry, and I want to get it right once and for all. You know, we make such a big deal of it; we force people and put pressure on them to go in. When they eventually rush into this union, they make mistakes because they were only trying to please people.”

“You don't want to write a big comment that tells others how to make a change they might want to make, because you don't know what change they're going to want to make. Better to have the attitude that you can't help future programmers make their changes. All you can do is make it easy for them to understand what you were trying to do. And it will be easiest for them to understand what you were trying to do if you were very careful to not try to do too much.”

“I see so many people wanting to make YouTube videos because they want to get famous - they want to make money, which is all great stuff, and YouTube is really an amazing place for that, but make YouTube videos because you enjoy making them. If you don't enjoy making them, you are not going to keep making them. You are just going to fall off at some point, and you are going to get frustrated it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to be. If you make videos that you enjoy making, then you can't lose. It doesn't matter if you don't get a lot of subscribers. I was equally happy when I had a couple of hundred subscribers - I thought that was equally fun to have some people watching them. If you make videos that you enjoy making, other people will enjoy watching them. I really, really, strongly believe in that, so if you're not enjoying making videos, then don't make videos.”

“I see so many people wanting to make YouTube videos because they want to get famous, they want to make money which is all great stuff. And YouTube is really an amazing place for that, but make YouTube videos because you enjoy making them. If you don't enjoy making them, you are not gonna keep making them. You are just going to fall off at some point and you are going to get frustrated it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to be. If you make videos that you enjoy making, then you can't lose. It doesn't matter if you don't get a lot of subscribers. I was equally happy when I had a couple of hundred subscribers. I thought that was equally fun to have some people watching them. If you make videos that you enjoy making, other people will enjoy watching them. I really, really, strongly believe in that. So if you're not enjoying making videos, then don't make videos.”

“If you’ve ever sat in a room with twins, immediately you’re forced to deal with this confusion. You’re afraid to call them by name because you’re afraid you’re going to get it wrong. At first being a twin is a source of power, you can switch, you can fool people—but then it becomes a vulnerability because people confuse you when you don’t want them to. The famous story of the twins who were both spanked when either one of them did something wrong because the parents wanted to make sure they got the right twin. So that would immediately make each twin totally responsible for the other one’s actions and therefore would make you want to control the other twin’s actions. It gets quite twisted and the confusion of identities becomes quite intense.”

“Sparrow: If you'd get a vasectomy, we wouldn't have to go through this every time.
Stuart: But… but you know I want to have a baby eventually.
Sparrow: So make some deposits at a sperm bank first. Then we can inseminate like normal people when we're ready.”

“For me the ideal Olympics would be to go in with all that pressure, all that attention and have performances that are literally tear-jerking, that make people put their heads down because they’re embarrassed at how emotional they’re getting, that make people want to try sports, talk to their kids, call their f---ing ex-wives—and come away with no medals. I think that would be epic. That would be the perfect thing.”

“When are we going to stop making excuses for the terrorists and saying that somebody is making them do it? No, these are simply evil people who want to kill.”

“I wouldn't put a date on that pancake day anyway, just av 'em when you want, have it when you want. There's no big deal. You've got to make 'em yourself, it's not like some place is openin' to do it. Have em when you want. I don't know why that's got a special day on it, sick-of-it”

“I want you to have big dreams, big goals. I want you to strive to achieve them. But I don't want to see you beating yourself up every time you make a mistake.”