“The idea of getting a, you know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my cock right now seems like almost a productive act.”
I'm Sorry Folks (1989); this title may refer to a bootleg recording of a live performance.
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Bill Hicks 100
American comedian 1961–1994Related quotes

“you are right where you should be / now act like it”
Source: The Beautiful: Collected Poems

“Nose full of fart, mouth full of cock, she never even paused.”
Girl almost beats Tucker at his own game http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/girl_almost_beats_tucker_at_his_own_game.phtml#611,
The Tucker Max Stories

My 21st Birthday http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/my_21st_birthday.phtml#612,
The Tucker Max Stories

“Now days battles are just sort of a "You shoot up my town and I'll shoot up yours."”
Letter to Bess Wallace (8 September 1918) https://www.trumanlibrary.org/whistlestop/study_collections/ww1/documents/fulltext.php?documentid=1-15
Context: Now days battles are just sort of a "You shoot up my town and I'll shoot up yours." They say that Americans don't play fair. They shoot 'em up all the time. I hope so because I want to finish this job as soon as possible and begin making an honest living again... Have fired 500 rounds at the Germans, at my command, been shelled, didn't run away thank the Lord and never lost a man. Probably shouldn't have told you but you'll not worry any more if you know I'm in it than if you think I am. Have had the most strenuous work of my life, am very tired but otherwise absolutely in good condition physically mentally and morally... When a High Explosive shell bursts in fifteen feet and does you no damage, you can bet your sweet life you bear a charmed life and no mistake. I didn't have sense enough to know what was going on until the next day and then I was pretty scared. The men think I am not much afraid of shells but they don't know. I was too scared to run and that is pretty scared.

“Are you Canadian? Oh, okay, 'cause you're sure as hell acting like one right now.”

“If you know a better place to live right now than this country, get a ticket and try to get there.”
Adress to Stanford Student Body, 1940. "Ray Lyman Wilbur Taken By Death", Los Angeles Times, June 27, 1949