“Don't bail. The best of the gold’s at the bottom of barrels of crap.”

“The right to change the government by the ballot box and not the barrel of a gun; perhaps the best definition of a democracy.”

“And if my choice is to sit graciously in my best robes and accept the inevitable or to bail a sea with a bucket, give me the bucket.”

“Everyone has crap in their background, everyone has things they wish they could undo. But most people don't go around doing their best to screw up their present lives because of it.”

“I 'd rather be handsome than homely;
I 'd rather be youthful than old;
If I can't have a bushel of silver
I'll do with a barrel of gold.”

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”

“I don't believe in rock bottom. Rock bottom is like a fishing term.”

“I don't use a crap camera, I don't eat junk, and I'm not going to a dance where the boys are bores”

“I don't want a fat mexican woman beating the crap out of my son.”

“Best to start at the bottom & gradually climb up. It’s much more fun, too.”