“We don't piss in your ashtrays,
So please don't throw cigarettes in our urinals.”

“Most men don't seem to get that telling a pissed-off woman to calm down is like throwing gunpowder on a fire.”

~ Liberty Jones”

“Our passion is our strength.
I dreamed that I pissed in my suitcase one time, I woke up in the morning and uh I had urine inside my suitcase.”

“I don't so much mind that newspapers are dying - it's watching them commit suicide that pisses me off.”

“I don't remember
lighting this cigarette
and I don't remember
if I'm here alone
or waiting for someone.”

“You just don't want a vampire pissed off at you.”

“I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. People think pleasing God is all God cares about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.”

“[after one of his dogs urinated in the bedroom] Who pissed!!? Who pissed on my fucking carpet!?! That bastard fucking dog man. I'm going to throw you in the pool! Get the fuck out of my house! Why do they do it Sharon? Whats the deal man? It's a fucking terrorist man! It's fucking part of Bin Laden's gang! Fucking Ali Baba used to go work on this rug.”

“Librarians are the secret masters of the world. They control information. Don't ever piss one off.”

“[when asked about cigarettes] I don't recommend them… but I smoke them.”