“I can tell a woman's age in half a minute — and I do!”

“I can spot a musical type. I can tell by looking at a woman whether she is a contralto or a soprano.”

“One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.”

“If I am to speak ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; if fifteen minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready now.”

“Woman: Do come along quick, there's a house on fire.
Fire Chief: A house on fire? Just a moment, lady – what's the address?
Woman: Grimshaw Street.
Fire Chief: Grimshaw Street – Grimshaw … now wait a minute, I know it as well as can be, and I just can't place it.
Woman: Oh come along, it's only just round…
Fire Chief: No, no, no – don't tell me, let me try and think of it for myself. Grimshaw St–… oh, isn't that annoying, I could walk straight to it, and I can't think of it.”

“I have found nothing half so good
As my long-planned half solitude,
Where I can sit up half the night
With some friend that has the wit
Not to allow his looks to tell
When I am unintelligible.”

“To tell a woman who is forty, "You look like sixteen," is boloney. The blarney way of saying it is "Tell me how old you are, I should like to know at what age women are the most beautiful.”

“For the first half of your life each minute feels like a year, but for the second half, each year feels like a minute.”

“"I underestimated you, woman."… "The cry of men down the ages."”

“I tell you, I'm half tempted to break into CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon out of CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon.”