“He said he did not believe the Home Office was "intrinsically dysfunctional… but I do believe from time to time it is dysfunctional in the sense it doesn't work."”

“I believe that the dysfunctional Muslim family constitutes a real threat to the very fabric of Western life.”

“You know," he said, "every time a vampire says he doesn't believe in lycanthropes, a werewolf bursts into flames.”

“These dysfunctionals make him aware of how functional he is.”

“He makes his own paint and does not suffer from any erectile dysfunction or infection.”

“The current way that people make their relationship last is by adopting dysfunction and adapting to dysfunction.”

“My point is, I don't know. I wasn't there. But I believe whether God did it in six days or whether he did it in six days that represented periods of time, he did it. And that's what's important. But you know, if anybody wants to believe they are the descendants of a primate, they are certainly welcome to do it.”

“I believe he has a sense of integrity…Relatively speaking he has a cleaner record than most politicians in office.”

“Dysfunctional relationship is not the exception. It is the norm. The only reason people don't realize it is because they've normalized the dysfunction.”

“I bet a guy at a bar 50 bucks that I was more dysfunctional than he was. He raped me. So I tipped him. I'm very competitive.”