“I think that a hen who undertakes tew lay 2 eggs a day must necessarily neglekt sum other branch ov bizzness.”

— Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

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Josh Billings 91

American humorist 1818–1885

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“The grate desire ov mi life iz tew amuze sumboddy. I had rather be able to set the multiplikashun table tew sum lively tune than tew hav bin the author ov it.”

Josh Billings (1818–1885) American humorist

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.”

Josh Billings (1818–1885) American humorist

Affurisms: Jews Harps http://books.google.com/books?id=pkM1AAAAMAAJ&q=%22It+iz+comparitively+eazy+tew+repent+ov+the+sins+that+we+hav+committed+but+tew+repent+ov+thoze+which+we+intend+to+commit+is+asking+tew+mutch+ov+enny+man+now+days%22&pg=PA164#v=onepage, Josh Billings' Wit and Humor (1874)

“2916. It is better to have a Hen to Morrow, than an Egg to Day.”

Thomas Fuller (writer) (1654–1734) British physician, preacher, and intellectual

Compare Poor Richard's Almanack (1734) : An Egg to day is better than a Hen to-morrow.
Introductio ad prudentiam: Part II (1727), Gnomologia (1732)

“There iz only one good substitute for the endearments ov a sister, and that iz the endearments ov sum other pheller's sister.”

Josh Billings (1818–1885) American humorist

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“A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.”

Samuel Butler (1835–1902) novelist

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“Why do men delight in work? Fundamentally, I suppose, because there is a sense of relief and pleasure in getting something done—a kind of satisfaction not unlike that which a hen enjoys on laying an egg.”

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“My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. It's like I was raising chickens inside of me. The chickens lay their eggs and the eggs hatch into other chickens, which then lay eggs.”

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Source: A Wild Sheep Chase: A Novel (1982), Chapter 13, The Rat's First Letter

“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.”

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Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. V
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“I wouldn't undertake tew korrekt a mans sektarian views enny quicker than i would tell him which road tew take at a 4 corners, when i didn't know miself which waz the right one.”

Josh Billings (1818–1885) American humorist

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Good Lord, I went in for a check up the other day and the doctor said "You need to lay off eggs." I go "Is my cholesterol bad?" He said "No, your farts are killing everybody in this room."”

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