“If I had 4 fust rate dogs i would name the best one "Doubtful" and the other 3 "Useless."”

“I don't beleaf in bad luck being sot for a man, like a trap, but i hav known lots ov folks, who if thare waz enny fust rate bad luck lieing around loose, would be sure tew git one foot in it enny how.”

“The dog had no name. For a dog to have a name someone must have him and someone must love him, and a dog must have someone. The dog had no one, and no one had the dog. The dog had only the silent empty countryside of the few houses. The dog had only the crumbs and cleaned bones he could pick up at the few houses. The dog had only himself, so the dog had nothing, and he was afraid.”

“The best midfielder I would say is Steven Gerrard. I really rate him as a player and as a man.”

“(Sylvia at typewriter) What is Newt Gingrich's Real Name? 1) Newton Minnow 2) Fig Newton 3) Isaac Newton 4) Wayne Newton”

“This is easy work:
1. Complaining
2. Pretending
3. Blaming
4. Judging
5. Resenting
6. Taking
7. Shouting
8. Expecting
9. Waiting
10. Doubting”

“I had always had grave doubts about Eliot's taste and, indeed, intelligence. [T. S. Eliot Memorial Lecture, broadcast on BBC Radio 3, 1980]”

“When I get into trouble at school I'd like to take an invisibility cloak, drape it over me and sneak out the door. Or I'd like to have a 3-headed-dog because then no one would argue with me.”

“There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.”

“The fact of the existence of two theories [causal and acausal] that contradict each other in Jung … corresponds psychologically to the vascillation between 3 and 4.”