“(Man at dinner table) Bet you don't know what a male swan is called. (Woman at dinner table) Sure I do. A swine.”

“All great change in America begins at the dinner table.”

“Dinner's in one hour. If you're not back, sitting at the table, I'll beat you all unconscious with a spatula.”

“This was a good dinner enough, to be sure, but it was not a dinner to ask a man to.”

“Other dads actually sat at the dinner table. Mine left me a fifty and a reminder to do my goddamn katas.”

“A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek.”

“My behavior is nonetheless, deplorable. Unfortunately, I'm quite prone to such bouts of deplorability--take for instance, my fondness for reading books at the dinner table.”

“But maybe you're just as glad he’s not a shrink, eh? Awful to have your spouse analyzing your unconscious desires across the dinner table, eh?”

“Let me offer lesson number one about America: All great change in America begins at the dinner table. So, tomorrow night in the kitchen I hope the talking begins. And children, if your parents haven't been teaching you what it means to be an American, let 'em know and nail 'em on it. That would be a very American thing to do.”

“I'm sitting at the dinner table, wearing my future mother-in-law's underwear. It's like some twisted dream that you wake up and thinkL Crikey Moses! Thank God that didn't really happen!”