“A man fears that conflict with his wife will lead to less intimacy, not more intimacy.”

— Warren Farrell

Source: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say (2000), p. 17.

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author, spokesperson, expert witness, political candidate 1943

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“Fear makes us run away from each other or cling to each other but does not create true intimacy.”

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Source: Why Men Are the Way They Are (1988), p. 150.

“It is generally assumed that men are damaged in their capacity for closeness and intimacy. If intimacy is defined as a loving closeness with another person, then it is usually true that the early conditioning of men to be performers and competitors in the impersonal competitive world limits their intimacy capacity. Women are assumed to have a greater capacity for intimacy than men because they express caring emotions and allow themselves to be dependent and close in relationships more easily. Yet, a closer look will provide a different perspective.

True intimacy is love and closeness based on knowledge of the inner reality and inner experience of the other. However, in romantic relationships, closeness ends or is put into crisis when men describe honestly their inner experiences to women. Women assail the relationship behavior of men and men acknowledge what they are told. Rarely is the opposite true. Men accept the reality of women more than women accept the reality of men.

The fact that a woman's priority is placed on personal needs bears no relationship to a genuine capacity for intimacy. To be loved and known, and to be fully comfortable expressing one's personal self, are two major components of intimacy. There are few men who have received that from a woman. The opposite holds true. A woman's love for a man is contingent on his participating in her romantic fantasy of what he and the relationship should be. Few men risk challenging or undermining that fantasy. Instead, they play by the rules of romance even when it feels uncomfortable, knowing that being loved by her is fragile and easily broken once he reveals his resistances and unromantic feelings.”

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“Today's reality
Fancy phone…. but afraid to connect
Big house…. small family
Expensive watch.…no time
Lot of friends on facebook…. no best friends
Great knowledge…. no wisdom
Lots of humans.…no humanity
Love animals…. eat animals
High IQ…. less emotions
Touched the moon…. neighbours unknown
Advanced medicine…. poor health
More degrees…. less common sense
Love sex…. fear intimacy”

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“On the campus of Outlaw College, professors of essential insanities would characterize the conflicting attitudes of Nina Jablonski and Leigh-Cheri as indicative of a general conflict between social idealism and romanticism. As any of the learned professors would explain, plied with sufficient tequila, no matter how fervently a romantic might support a movement, he or she eventually must withdraw from active participation in that movement because the group ethic — the supremacy of the organization over the individual — is an affront to intimacy. Intimacy is the principal source of the sugars with which this life is sweetened. It is absolutely vital to the essential insanities.”

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