“Ron White's son is going on a direct flight from Austin, Texas to Houston, Texas and is talking to the flight attendant.
Flight attendant: Is there going to be someone to pick him up when he gets off the plane?
Ron: No, I'm going to pin a $20 bill to his collar and wish him the best of luck. Here's your sign.”

“I think Tom DeLay ought to go back to Houston, where he can serve his jail sentence down there courtesy of the Texas taxpayers.”

“Jeff's, Larry's, and Ron's Heres Your Sign.”

“[on being condescended to by a flight attendant] Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't wanna be a jackass…you just pushed my jackass button.”

“Engvall pulls his car into a gas station after his tire goes flat.
Attendant: Tire go flat?
Engvall: Nope, I was drivin' along and the other three just swelled right up!
Attendant: Well, the heat'll do that.
Engvall: Here's your sign.”

“at the Engvalls' home, Travis is about to play on the piano.
Engvall's son, Travis: I'm going to play you a song from Harry Potter.
Engvall: Oh, the movie?
Travis: No, the book. Here's your sign.
When telling the joke on Here's Your Sign: Live! (2004), he stops his son before he says "sign."”

“This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight… one, from… here to there. We'll be cruising at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve and a half feet if we see anything big. And our copilot today is a flask of coffee.”

“How do you get off a non-stop flight?”

“High state, the bed is where misfortune lies,
Mars most unfriendly, when most kind he seems,
Who climbeth high, on earth he hardest lights,
And lowest falls attend the highest flights.”

“Well look he's from Texas -- to the best of my knowledge, there's a lot of oil in Texas, right? So, he gets a lot of money from the oil companies, and he's against ethanol and everything you're else talking about. And I'm not I'm totally in favor. And you know it's a big industry here, it's a big industry. You know if that industry is upset Iowa's got problems.”