“If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you'd be twice as funny as you are.”

“It's not bad enough I am exiled? It's not bad enough you take away the few good heroes I'm allowed to meet? You think it's funny to send me this this ― this charbroiled runt of a boy to ruin my tranquility? This is NOT FUNNY! Take him back!”

“Brightness… I believe you stray into sarcasm."

"Funny. I thought I'd run straight into it, screaming at the top of my lungs.”

“Boy poison - a boy's kisses were like a poison, which infected you and after you were exposed you craved more, like an addict.”

“Meanwhile back at mama's.
The porch light's on, come in if you wanna.
Supper's on the stove and beer's in the fridge.
Red sun sinkin' out low on the ridge.
Games on the tube and daddy smokes cigarettes.
Whiskey keeps his whistle wet.
Funny the things you thought you'd never miss.
In a world gone crazy as this.”

“So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts.
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?
Boy, you'd best pray that I bleed real soon --
How's that thought for you?”

“Over seven thousand US veterans die of suicide every year, which is funny… [false laughter]… because you'd think they'd die over there, but they come home! Right? I thought that must be funny, because nobody was taking it that seriously.”

“I thought you were dead,” she went on. “I saw you fall down, and—I thought you were dead.”

“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”

“There have been a good many funny things said and written about hardupishness, but the reality is not funny, for all that. It is not funny to have to haggle over pennies. It isn't funny to be thought mean and stingy. It isn't funny to be shabby and to be ashamed of your address. No, there is nothing at all funny in poverty — to the poor.”