“The whole secret of raising a fart in class is to make it sound as if it is punctuating, or commenting upon, what the teacher is saying. Timing, not ripeness, is all. 'And since x tends to y as c tends to d,' Fred expounded, 'then the differential of the increment of x squared must be… must be… come on, come on! What must it flaming be?' Here was the chance to to give my version of what it must be. I armed one, opened the bomb bay, and let it go. Unfortunately, the results far exceeded the discreet limits I had intended. It sounded like a moose coughing.”
Source: Memoirs, Unreliable Memoirs (1980), p. 105-6
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Clive James 151
Australian author, critic, broadcaster, poet, translator an… 1939–2019Related quotes

“In modern times sound policy-making must often come to grips with numbers.”
Source: Propaganda & The Ethics Of Persuasion (2002), Chapter Three, Propaganda Technique, p. 118

And I'll tell you, straight in the eye:
D.I.Y., D.I.Y.
D.I.Y
Song lyrics, Peter Gabriel (II) (1978)

Source: History of Mathematics (1925) Vol.2, p.461

“[Y]ou must have a clear picture in your mind of what success would look, sound, and feel like.”
Source: Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity (2001), Ch. 3

“Give him threepence, since he must make gain out of what he learns.”
Said to be a remark made to his servant when a student asked what he would get out of studying geometry.
'threepence' renders τριώβολον "three-obol-piece". This amount increases the sarcasm of Euclid's reply, as it was the standard fee of a Dikastes for attending a court case (μίσθος δικαστικός), thus inverting the role of teacher and pupil to that of accused and juror.
The English translation is by The History of Greek Mathematics by Thomas Little Heath (1921), p. 357 http://books.google.com/books?id=h4JsAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA357#v=onepage&q&f=false. The quote is recorded by Stobaeus' Florilegium iv, 114 ( ed. Teubner 1856 http://www.archive.org/stream/iohannisstobaei00meingoog#page/n598/mode/2up, p. 205; see also here http://laudatortemporisacti.blogspot.ch/2011/04/anecdote-about-euclid.html). Stobaeus attributes the anecdote to Serenus.
Attributed

Vol. I, Luke VII: 31–35, p. 230
Expository Thoughts on the Gospels: St. Luke (1858–1859)

Source: 1850s, An Investigation of the Laws of Thought (1854), p. 165; As cited in: James Joseph Sylvester, James Whitbread Lee Glaisher (1910) The Quarterly Journal of Pure and Applied Mathematics. p. 350