“When chickens get to live like chickens, they'll taste like chickens, too.”

“I'm too drunk to taste this chicken”

“When I was six I had a chicken that walked backward and was in the Pathe News. I was in it too with the chicken. I was just there to assist the chicken but it was the high point in my life. Everything since has been anticlimax.”

“Chad Dawson will run like a chicken”

“For a chicken the most beautiful is chicken.”

“My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. It's like I was raising chickens inside of me. The chickens lay their eggs and the eggs hatch into other chickens, which then lay eggs.”

“I was on a plane, and the steward was coming down the aisle. "Asian chicken salad… Asian chicken salad… Asian chicken salad…" And he gets to me and he's like, "… chicken salad!" What does he think I'm gonna do? "Dis is not de salad of my people! In my homeland, dey use mandarin orange slices… and crispy wonton crunches!"”

“But this was no ordinary chicken. This chicken was evil manifest.”

“To the goggling unbeliever Texans say — as people always say about their mangier dishes — "but it's just like chicken, only tenderer." Rattlesnake is, in fact, just like chicken, only tougher.”

“You can't get a suit of armour and a rubber chicken just like that. You have to plan ahead.”