“Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality.”

“I have never, on the field of battle, sent you where I was unwilling to go myself; nor would I now advise you to a course which I felt myself unwilling to pursue. You have been good soldiers, you can be good citizens. Obey the laws, preserve your honor, and the Government to which you have surrendered can afford to be, and will be, magnanimous.”

“I've never lived a day, in good times or bad, that I didn't thank God for the privilege.”

“They weren't nice words he said. He could've lived a good life and died never having made a person feel rubbed down to bones and too sad to hold together.”

“I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. ”

“Not proud you have, but thankful that you have. Proud can I never be of what I hate, but thankful even for hate that is meant love.”

“How thick the fog is. I can't see the road. All the people in the world could pass by and I would never know. I wish it was always that way. It's getting dark already. It will soon be night, thank goodness.”

“He picked the rock back up. “Do you believe that it floated?”
“No!” I sulked, rubbing my temples.
“Good. It didn’t. Never fool yourself into perceiving things that don’t exist.””

“I may have done some other things as good but I am sure none better. I haven't matured, progressed, grown, become deeper, wiser, or funnier. But then, I never thought I would.”

“"Nasrudin, your donkey has been lost."
"Thank goodness I was not on the donkey at the time, or I would be lost too."”