“Mmm, he rumbled into my ear. I thought that being married meant that I never go to bed hungry.”

“And I don't care what it takes my friend
I will never go hungry, go hungry again
Oh, and I don't care what I have to pretend
I will never go hungry, go hungry again
And the phoenix she rises, she is sure to descend
She will never go hungry, go hungry again
And you're looking to me more and more like a godsend
We will never go hungry, go hungry again
And we owe each other nothing, there's no one left here to offend
We will never go hungry, go hungry again”

“My friend James Morris heads the World Food Programme, whose task it is to feed the hungry. He recently told me, "If I could have just 1 per cent of the money spent on global armaments, no one in this world would go to bed hungry."”

“Being married means I can break wind and eat ice cream in bed.”

“During the primary, I heard the audible voice of God. He said, 'Credibility.' It wasn't a thought in my head. I thought it meant I was going to win. But after the primary, I got credibility.”

“Mmm. O positive, my favorite.”
“Is it? I thought it was a cabernet sauvignon.”
“So it is,” said Adrian, straight-faced. “My mistake.”

“I just can't. I'm married. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it.”

“All I heard was the blood rushing through my ears, and the distant rumble and crackle of the Lake of Fire. (And Khufu scratching himself and grunting, but that was nothing new.)”

“Pope Pius XII was meant to go and castigate Hitler for being a [air quotes] "Genocidal Fuckhead … [air quotes again] with bunny rabbit ears". But he didn't, he wimped out, and for that history has renamed that Pope as "Pope Gutless Bastard I."”

“Married to the money, I ain’t never let go”