“They'll either want to kill you, kiss you, or be you.”
Source: Mockingjay
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Suzanne Collins 554
American television writer and novelist 1962Related quotes

As quoted in Marilyn Monroe : In Her Own Words (1983), edited by Roger Taylor
Context: Hollywood's a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss, and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents.

“If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh; otherwise they'll kill you.”
Credited to Shaw in the lead in to the mockumentary C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America (2004) and other recent works, but this or slight variants of it are also sometimes attributed to W. C. Fields, Charlie Chaplin, and Oscar Wilde. It might possibly be derived from Shaw's statement in John Bull's Other Island (1907): "My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."
Another possibility is that it is derived from Shaw's characteristic of Mark Twain: "He has to put things in such a way as to make people who would otherwise hang him believe he is joking."
Variants:
If you are going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you.
If you're going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you.
Disputed

“Don't you want me to kiss you goodbye, sweetie?"
"Kiss a cow farm boy”

“When you are a soldier, either you surrender or you are killed. But you don't flee.”
Mobutu, vowing to resist the Kabila rebellion. Meredith, p. 535