“Oh I used to be disgusted
and now I try to be amused.”

“Oh! But it don't make no difference, babe, hey,
And I know that I could always try.
Theres a fire inside everyone of us,
You'd better need it now,
I got to hold it, yeah,
I better use it till the day I die.”

“There's a cat in the window, of the house of my lover.
Well she sleeps there alone now, or perhaps with another.
Oh I try no to think about that, I try not to think at all!”

“Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies”

“I saw Hamlet Pr: of Denmark played: but now the old playe began to disgust this refined age.”

“Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay.”

“I was in a bar a few nights ago, moving from stool to stool, trying to get lucky… But there was no gum under any of them. And I hear giggling behind me. At first I don't mind, but the giggling continues… Finally, I thought "What's so amusing?" I turn around, and these two guys, for the last, oh, half hour or so, have been throwing darts into my head. It's a good thing I heard them! I said, "Look, you bums," 'cause I was angry now, "As soon as this game is over, hit the road!"”

“His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing.”

“Oh please…As a standup, I tried to change the world. As an entertainer, I try to entertain. And as a lesbian, I try to pick up the prettiest girl in the room. Not necessarily in that order.”

“Now, I'm Sick, Sober and Sorry
Broke, disgusted and sad
Sick, Sober and Sorry
But look at the fun that I had.”