“Thanks for coming tonight, on a Sunday night. Sixty-Minutes is on and there are probably some good stories you're missing. Thanks for choosing Silverchair over Sixty-Minutes.”

The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz (1959)

On The Late Show with David Letterman (1994)

The last sentence of this statement is often misquoted as "You oughta be thankful, a whole heaping lot, / For the people and places you're lucky you're not!"
Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? (1973)

Published as "A Beautiful Thought … we clip from an exchange paper" in Universalist Union (16 March 1844) this is often quoted as an advertisement originally written by Mann, attributed to him in Getting on in the World (1874) by William Mathews, p. 268; and most publications since that date, and sometimes titled "Lost, Two Golden Hours".
Variants:
Lost,
Two golden hours:
Each with a set of
Sixty diamond minutes!
No reward
Is offered, for they are .
Lost for ever!
Published as "Loss of Time" in The Church of England Magazine (28 June 1856) without any crediting of authorship.
Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset...
The most commonly quoted variant simply begins with a comma rather than a dash.

[News for All the People, 323, 1844676870, Juan González, ‎Joseph Torres, 2011, Verso Books]
About

Stanza 4.
The Second Jungle Book (1895), If— (1896)
Context: If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son!

Suicide note, found in his pocket. (17 August 1987)

Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? (1973)