“Colleges typically did not tell you that ninety percent of your education came after you hung the parchment on the wall. People might ask for a rebate.”

“If you treat people right they will treat you right — ninety percent of the time.”

“Life is 10 percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.”

“Usually when you ask somebody in college why they are there, they'll tell you it's to get an education. The truth of it is, they are there to get the degree so that they can get ahead in the rat race. Too many college radicals are two-timing punks.”

“Ninety-nine percent of who you are is invisible and untouchable.”

“Let's say that you have an incredible one percent of all the knowledge in the universe. Would it be possible, in the ninety-nine percent of the knowledge that you haven't yet come across, that there might be ample evidence to prove the existence of God? If you are reasonable, you will be forced to admit that it is possible.”

“Angel, getting you off is ninety-nine percent of the fun for me.”

“Two percent of the people think; three percent of the people think they think; and ninety-five percent of the people would rather die than think.”

“Engvall has an elk hung on the wall.
Neighbor: Oh, man. I didn't see that. God dang, did you shoot that thing?
Engvall: Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.”

“Ninety percent of them [artists in general] are forgotten ten minutes after they’re dead.”