“God gives us the power to act for ourselves, but let me tell you something. At five in the morning I have never heard this [he says mimicking a knock on the door]. Hello Jack, this is Jesus. I will work out today.”

“Say it is. Say it isn't.
Say it's someone else instead.
Say it's good when you don't like fishing.
You just knock it on the head.
You just knock it on the head.
Say goodbye. Say good morning.
Say good evening and good noon.
Say "Hello, tell me how you're feeling."”

“Jesus never let me down
You know Jesus used to show me the score
Then they put Jesus in show business
Now it's hard to get in the door, angel.”

“When the devil comes knocking on your door simply say "Jesus, it's for you.”

“You have to be logical. You know? If I know that in this hotel room they have food every day, and I'm knocking on the door every day to eat, and they open the door, let me see the party, let me see them throwing salami all over, I mean, just throwing food around, but they're telling me there's no food.”

“I started working at the Quick Stop with him. Every Sunday I used to go to the Quick Stop and we used to put the Sunday papers together at like five in the morning. And then after a while he got me a job at the video store next door. I used to lock up the store and go next door and hang out all the time and watch movies and stuff.”

“Tell me I'm a sinner I got news for you
I spoke to God this morning and he don't like you
You telling all the people the original sin
He says he knows you better that you'll ever know him”

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.”

“After I shut the door behind me, I heard Darryl say "of course eating him would work too.”

“I tried to think of something to say. Excuse me? Hello? Marry me? Anything would have done.”