“Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can.”

“Funny, how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.”

“As you see the opening get closer, you just can't get fast enough. And finally, just when you think you'll never get there, you see the opening right in front of you.”

“People don't get better, they just get smarter. When you get smarter you don't stop pulling the wings off flies, you just think of better reasons for doing it.”

“You can't make a hit record out of nothing. … It's baseless to think you can make any recording a hit, just by playing it over and over and over again.”

“If you can't think of what to write, tough luck; write anyway. If you can think of lots more when you've finished the three pages, don't write it; it'll be that much easier to get going next day.”

“There are no absolutes in relationships. You can't take anything for granted. You can count on absolutely nothing but the unexpected. You only get in trouble when you start thinking that you're some kind of exception to the rule.”

“But hardly anybody ever finds out that their actions really, actually, hurt other people! People don’t get better, they just get smarter. When you get smarter you don’t stop pulling the wings off flies, you just think of better reasons for doing it.”

“You think you can get away, but you can't. I'll follow you home and I'll shout jokes through your letterbox.”

“Just when you begin thinking of yourself as memorable, you run into someone who can't even remember having met you”