“; Jerry Springer”

“Jerry Springer: What would you have been if you would have not been a performer?”

“Jerry Springer: Ok. But the audience is sitting out here and you're up onstage. What do you do onstage?”

“We've sure come a long way since then. Sometimes I wish we hadn't. I hate H-bombs and the Jerry Springer show.”

“I've often said working with Larry is a lot like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.”

“Jerry Springer: Please meet GG Allin. GG has been arrested more than 52 times in over 12 states for the nudity, obscenity and violence that are part of his music performances. He says the fans love the thrill of coming to his show knowing that their lives are in danger.”

“Hi, do you me? My face is seen around Cincinnati constantly. But when I travel, say across state lines people don’t know me, Jerry Springer, from Jerry Ford. That’s way I carry this, the American Express Card. It’s the card that good at thousands of clubs and motels across the river. I can even get hassle free check approval. For quick and enjoyable entertainment it can’t be beat, just like me.”

“Out upon you, Jerry! Jerry, you're a pity!
Jerry, turn about and plant a garden in the City!”

“Jerry was willowy and worried. He had one good trick. Now and then, someone with a lot of privileges was allowed to leave the hospital in a taxi. That person would say, “Jerry, call me a cab.” Jerry would say, “You’re a cab.””

“In the end we're all Springer guests, really, we just haven't been on the show.”