“Egocentrics are attracted to the inept. It gives them one more excuse for patting themselves on the back.”

“Sometimes it's okay to give yourself a pat on the back and say, 'That was cool. That made me feel good.'”

“As someone who has been a carer, I can say that you will often find yourself at the end of your tether and ranting over cups of tea. You have to remember that and then you're fine, because no one pats themselves on the back at the end and says: "Good job."”

“Give them back! Give my tears back, right now——with interest!!”

“He wanted to be a poet,' someone else put in while Maggie hugged Tim and patted his back. 'Said he'd only lacked the words to be one.”

“The best excuse for the fallen ones is that Madame Justice herself is one of them.”

“One of the biggest follies in life is giving up your favorite attraction.”

“[About airports with advanced equipment] You know, you can have fun with that if you do it like I do. I take two Viagra and demand a pat down. "What's that in your pants, Mr. White?" "I have no idea. You're gonna need to pat that down… Pat it back up again… Give it a couple twists. See if it's connected to anything… You might wanna go wash your hands."”

“Although humans and baboons may fight among themselves, dominate others, and keep harems, only humans have the ability to give pious excuses for what they do.”

“The love they felt wasn’t, of course, what it once had been;
the attraction between them had gradually diminished,
the attraction had diminished a great deal.
But to be separated, that wasn’t what they themselves wanted.”