“My mother taught me a Spanish saying,” he remarked, “that it takes four men to make a salad: a spendthrift for the oil, a philosopher for the seasonings, a miser for the vinegar, and a madman for the tossing.”

“To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist – the problem is so entirely the same in both cases. To know exactly how much oil one must put with one's vinegar.”

“Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS.”

“Unpleasant?" he finished for her.
"Only on the days when my adoptive mother tosses me out of the house with instructions never to darken her door again. Usually, I'm remarkably good-natured. Try me on any day that doesn't end in y.”

“There is no inevitable connection between Christianity and cynicism. Truth is not a salad, is it, that you must always dress it with vinegar?”

“Sometimes my sister and I dream of having a run-of-the-mill father. He would make coffee and toss salads. He would not prefer his work to us, and he would tell us instead: "How pretty you look, my dear, tell me what you did today." He would speak to us with words of affectionate banality.”

“I was on a plane, and the steward was coming down the aisle. "Asian chicken salad… Asian chicken salad… Asian chicken salad…" And he gets to me and he's like, "… chicken salad!" What does he think I'm gonna do? "Dis is not de salad of my people! In my homeland, dey use mandarin orange slices… and crispy wonton crunches!"”

“Within one cup pour vinegar and oil,
And look! unblent, unreconciled, they war.”

“I was on a plane, and the steward was coming down the aisle. "Asian chicken salad…Asian chicken salad…Asian chicken salad…" And he gets to me and he's like, "…chicken salad!"”

“What am I looking at? I want to eat you like a tossed fucking salad!”