“If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.”

— Bill Maher

Larry King Live, 11 August 2005; in response to a called-in question if he would become a believer if the Lord spoke to him

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Bill Maher141

American stand-up comedian 1956

itaba

“Warlord, you once told me I'd always know what you're thinking. What are your thoughts now?"

"Partly, I'm thinking that I might shame myself in my trews, just from the feel of you next to me.”

Kresley Cole American writer

Source: Dreams of a Dark Warrior

“You thought I was that type:
That you could forget me,
And that I'd plead and weep
And throw myself under the hooves of a bay mare…”

Anna Akhmatova (1889–1966) Russian modernist poet

"You Thought I Was That Type"

“[If I had literally heard the voice of Jesus] I'd check myself in to see a psychiatrist. I don't hear voices and anyone who does should really see a psychiatrist and get some help.”

Ray Comfort (1949) New Zealand-born Christian minister and evangelist

AronRa vs Ray Comfort (September 17th, 2012), Radio Paul's Radio Rants

“I think the House of Lords ought to be abolished and I don't think the best way for me to abolish it is to go there myself”

Michael Foot (1913–2010) British politician

On his departure from the House of Commons, 1992.
1990s

“If ordinary people complain that I speak too much of myself, I complain that they do not even think of themselves.”

Michel De Montaigne (1533–1592) (1533-1592) French-Occitan author, humanistic philosopher, statesman

“I typically find myself wanting to verify every single fact or idea that I hadn't heard of before, and say either "hold on, I need to think about that for a few minutes" or "let me check that on Google/Wikipedia". In actual conversation I'd suppress this because I suspect the other person will quickly find it extremely annoying. I just think to myself "I'll try to remember what he's saying and check it out later", but of course I don't have such a good memory.”

Wei Dai Cryptocurrency pioneer and computer scientist

In a discussion thread https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/d9CcQ24ukbL8WcMpB/how-to-always-have-interesting-conversations#HK9pw3RnReS5x9bPa on LessWrong, June 2010