“My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."”

“The fact that one of these ladies was my mom made me particularly sad because my mom is beautiful. And she’s always on a diet. Sometimes, my dad calls her beautiful, but she cannot hear him.”

“As a mom, I can't imagine how hard it would be to hear hurtful, untrue things being said about my daughters.”

“You're much shorter than my mom."
"Brat," she said, surprised into a giggle.
"That's no way to talk to a vampire."
"Bloodsucking brat."
"Better" he said.”

“Maybe I'm wrong," Mom said. "Maybe the world really is coming to an end."
"Should I try Fox News?" I asked.
Mom shuddered. "We're not that desperate," she said.”

“Do you think she’ll catch him before he gets to the hall?”
“My mom’s spent her whole life chasing me around,” Clary said. “She moves fast.”

“Now, my mom always said two wrongs don't make a right. But she never said anything about four wrongs, and that always left me confused.”

“I'm not an angel, Jace," she repeated. "I don't return library books. I steal illegal music off the internet. I lie to my mom. I am.”

“I call my clients Uncle or Aunty hoping to get a proposal for their daughters.”

“My mom went to that same doctor and got a butt lift. It's a little too lifted, I think, alright. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it.”