“I just said he (Umpire Dale Scott) needed glasses}}”

“Jerome was dyslexic until he was twelve, before it became fashionable. And he broke every pair of glasses I bought him. He hated wearing glasses. He was good at breaking things. Especially relationships. Just like his father.”

“I see Rick Perry the other day. … He's doing very poorly in the polls. He put on glasses so people will think he's smart. And it just doesn't work! You know people can see through the glasses!”

“I need to talk to Clarisse," Annabeth said.
I stared at her as if she'd just said "I need to eat a large, smelly boot."
"What for?”

“Everyone needs a hobby,” he said. “And everyone needs a miracle or two, just to prove life is more than just one long trudge from the cradle to the grave.”

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”

“I had that Paul McKenna come up to me once and he said, 'I love that song of yours about bicycles.' So I said to McKenna, 'And I loved the stunt you did in that glass box above the Thames.”

“Then something occurred to me.
"Get closer," I told Blackjack.
He whinnied in protest.
"Just within shouting distance," I said. "I need to talk to the statue."
Now I'm sure you've lost it, boss, Blackjack said”

“I am beginning to feel the need of a glass of wine to fortify myself against this conversation.”

“One of Renee's friends asked her, "Does your boyfriend wear glasses?" She said, "No, he wears a Walkman.”