“I get melancholy if I don't [write]. I need the company of people who don't exist.”

“I'm not against sentimentality. I think you need it. I mean, I don't think you get a true picture of people without it in writing… It's a kind of poetry, it's an emotional poetry, and, to bring it back to the literary scene, I don't think anything is true that doesn't have it, that doesn't have poetry in it.”

“I need you, the reader, to imagine us, for we don't really exist if you don't.”

“Don't you think that's the way to persuade more companies to come to this region and get more jobs—because I want them—for the people who are unemployed. Not always standing there as moaning minnies.”

“If I have to build a big company by mistreating other people then the Bible says WOE to me. I don't know what that is, but I don't want any of it.”

“I'm one of those people who has to write. If I don't write, I feel itchy and depressed and cranky. So everybody's glad when I write and stop complaining already.”

“I write movies about mavericks, about people who break rules, and I don't like movies about people who are pulverised for being mavericks.”

“People don't know who I am. Some people don't know I do standup. They just write that I'm that guy from those failed sitcoms. I always joke that 'I've never heard of me either.”

“Simple people, people who don't exist, prefer things which don't exist, simple things.
"Good" and "bad" are simple things. You bomb me = "bad." I bomb you = "good."”

“I don't need the fame. I don't need the money. I don't need the sex. This is something that I do because I have to do it. ”