Woody Allen citations

Page 7

“Le sexe est la chose la plus amusante que vous puissiez avoir sans même rire.”

“La confiance est ce que vous avez avant de comprendre le problème, et après l'avoir résolu.”

“Huit pour cent du succès se manifeste.”

“Si vous n'échouez pas de temps en temps, c'est un signe que vous ne faites rien de ouf”

“Dieu est silencieux. Maintenant, si seulement l'homme se taisait. Pour devenir dieu?”

“Faire son chemin dans la vie n'est pas simple et tout ce qui peut marcher sans nuire à autrui est une bonne chose”

“[…] si j'étais un homme d'État grec, je ne ferais jamais confiance aux Troyens. As-tu remarqué qu'ils ne prennent jamais de vacances?”

“Je suis ouvert d'esprit sur le sexe je ne suis pas irréprochable. Pour tout dire, je suis au delà des reproches, de que je veux dire. Si j'étais pris demain dans une partouze avec douze petites-filles, les gens penseraient, oui, j'ai toujours su ça de lui. Rien de ce que je pourrais dévoiler ne surprendrait qui que ce soit … Je reconnais tout.”

“Non seulement la vie est horrible, mais en plus elle est courte.”

“Du côté positif, mourir est une des rares choses que l'on puisse faire aussi bien couché que debout.”

“Selon moi, le cinéma a eu deux artistes fondamentaux : Orson Welles et Stanley Kubrick.”

“Non seulement Dieu n'existe pas, mais essayez d'avoir un plombier pendant le week-end!”

“Je ne connais pas la question, mais le sexe est définitivement la réponse.
Une obsession je crois”

“To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat — especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.”

“I was supremely confident my flair for atmosphere and characterization would sparkle alongside the numbing mulch ground out by studio hacks. Certainly the space atop my mantel might be better festooned by a gold statuette than by the plastic dipping bird that now bobbed there ad infinitum.”

“My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it,
All I can do is wait for it”

“…years of insanity have made this guy crazy!”

“And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?”

“To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.”

“They called me mad… But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!”

“Hey listen — I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.”

“I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.”

“Of all the famous men who ever lived, the one I would most like to have been was Socrates. Not just because he was a great thinker, because I have been known to have some reasonably profound insights myself, although mine invariably revolve around a Swedish airline stewardess and some handcuffs.”

“The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife — a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.”

“Agathon: But all that talk about death being the same as sleep.
Socrates: Yes, the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, "Everybody up, it's morning," it's very hard to find your slippers.”

“With that, he scribbled in an additional ninety thousand dollars on the estimate, which had waxed to the girth of the Talmud while rivaling it in possible interpretations.”

“I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb.”

“Bidnick gorges himself on Viagra, but the dosage makes him hallucinate and causes him to imagine he is Pliny the Elder.”

“Rabbi Raditz of Poland was a very short rabbi with a long beard, who was said to have inspired many pogroms with his sense of humor. One of his disciples asked, "Who did God like better, Moses or Abraham?"
"Abraham," the Zaddik said.
"But Moses led the Israelites to the Promised Land," said the disciple.
"All right, so Moses," the Zaddik answered.”

“In addition to our summer and winter estate, he owned a valuable piece of land. True, it was a small piece, but he carried it with him wherever he went.”

“I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”

“We have to take our possessions and flee. I'm very good at that. I was the men's freestyle fleeing champion two years in a row.”

“Cookie: What are you sad about?Harry: I'm spiritually bankrupt. I'm empty.Cookie: What do you mean?Harry: I'm frightened. I got no soul, you know what I mean? Let me put it this way: when I was younger it was less scary waiting for Lefty than it is waiting for Godot.Cookie: You lost me!Harry: You know that the universe is coming apart? You know about that? You know what a black hole is?Cookie: Yeah. That's how I make my living.”

“This is my perspective and has always been my perspective on life: I have a very grim, pessimistic view of it. I always have, since I was a little boy. It hasn’t gotten worse with age or anything. I do feel that it’s a grim, painful, nightmarish, meaningless experience, and that the only way that you can be happy is if you tell yourself some lies and deceive yourself.”

“And so I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Actually, make that "I run through the valley of the shadow of death" - in order to get OUT of the valley of the shadow of death more quickly, you see.”

“Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.”

“I took a course in speed reading, learning to read straight down the middle of the page, and I was able to go through War and Peace in 20 minutes. It’s about Russia”

“What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!”

“[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.”

“I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.”

“We're worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from — I don't remember exactly. I think it's the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that's where it's from.”

“It figures you’ve got to hate yourself if you’ve got any integrity at all.”