Karl Pilkington citations

Page 3

“I saw a cockroach playing Pacman. It was on the internet, right, and somebody had linked up a cockroach to err… to some… I can't even be bothered explaining it, but that's what I'm saying - everything is moving on”

“Walking down the street in London with Suzanne, saw a little homeless.. well I didn't see the homeless bloke right, I saw a leg stickin out of a doorway, thought 'here we go', right. Walked past it, right, you're not gonna believe this. Homeless…. Chinese fella. I've never seen one of them.”

“It is hard eating a little kangaroo knob.”

“By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.”

“Who's the mental one here? Is it me, or everyone else?”

“Any problem solved is a new problem made.”

“I've never understood what pole dancing's about anyway. It's a waste of a good skill. Get into scaffolding or something.”

“You build up to it, don't you? You have that bit of a chat, and you go alright? Hows it going?. You get on an' that and then a little baby pops out.”

“…but it’s all about ‘a gorilla and a fox are walking thru the woods.’ How often does that happen?”

“Whoop, there's an elephant in the room”

“Well…like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again…”

“I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is: they've got wings but they walk a lot”

“The best thing you can do is look after yourself. Get on with it.”

“(After chatting about the Serbian sex machine invention and Karl said 'Did it have to be a woman or could they have got a gay fella in - butt plugs and that')..”

“If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?”

“No it's one of them things though, imagine it.. if you're that caretaker and you're thinkin I've got away with this then suddenly a plant grasses you up.. you weren't expectin that.”

“People who live in a glass house have to answer the door - Karl invents his own phrase based on Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.”

“I've got a fat head. There's nothing I can do about it.”

“If you had 5 photos of anuses, I could not point mine out”

“We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat.”

“Just sort of wander about and that, and just not get seen [What he would do with the power of invisibility]”

“Lamguage is a powerful thing init…er…”

“At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?”

“At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head.”

“I've met a few little people in my time. I met a little fella once and he was alright. He got drunk really quick, err, but he was alright. But it took me by surprise -like I've said about when I met Steve for the first time, it's only that same thing, then if we lived together I'm sure we'd get on a storm”

“I was at some night once, right. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes. It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off. The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it… Bucks Fizz. So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for.”

“Karl: You've never been to China.”

“Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.”

“It's not going to change the world. But neither did the egg-cup.”