Karl Pilkington citations

Page 2

“No ones been up that high!”

“It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep”

“You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad - Karl re-evaluates the phrase A stitch in time saves nine.”

“Well I'm trying to think what I put in… I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer.”

“So I was watchin David Attenborough.. he makes his money out of flies and that dun' he”

“On homosexuals- They're more up for a bit more experimentation an' that -Podcast Series 1 Episode 2”

“The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now.”

“I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'. - Karl tells Ricky his response to being poisoned by an octopus.”

“I don't cry. Water doesn't leave my head. I've got loads of gob. That's how water leaves me, it's not out of my eyes.”

“Hypothetical: Shipwrecked and eating a penis- …I'll look for something else. We're surrounded by water. Why are we eating knob?”

“Just pop it on your wrist. - Ricky asks Karl how his 'invention' of a watch that counts down your life would actually work.”

“I was walking home the other night, and I was thinking about it, and do you worry that when you're old you will be on your own?”

“You can be an ugly baby and everyone goes awww innit nice? There was some women in a cafe the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about oh the baby's lovely. They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I dont know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I dont know what kept me from sayin' it.”

“You know how they say people have six senses? There's loads more than that. [The ability to feel someone looking at you], that's been around since man and dinosaur were knockin' about.”

“We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about”

“12 hours on a plane, over 5,000 miles. All this way you've got me licking fish.”

“People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?”

“Yeah, we'll do that, Lanky.”

“If he's 27 today, he would have been 26 last week, and he doesn't look 26. He didn't look 26 last week, and he looks older than 28 today.”

“"I've got to make sure the groom's hat's on straight." That's when you know an event's overstaffed.”

“Treat the world like a head”

“Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back.”

“Ricky: You are the strangest man alive.”

“In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock.”

“On Steve's dancing ability- er, it's just like a bit of weird art”

“Don't be chucking that out. You might need that later - Karl interprets the phrase Waste not, want not.”

“Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?”

“The Web is the new book though, innit?”

“They've found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn't lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it's roaming in a jungle… get it locked up.”