Craig Ferguson citations

“In 1963 the BBC premiered a show about an alien
Who traveled through space and time to combat the powers of evil.”

“Democracy first! First, first, first! First! Democracy, FIRST!”

“And if there is any hope for any of us in this giant explosion in which we inhabit then surely that’s it:
Intellect and romance triumph over brute force and cynicism!”

“If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!”

“If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.”

“I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.”

“…. maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.”

“I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.”

“Between safety and adventure I choose adventure.”

“You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry”

“If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine.”

“Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.”

“Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.”

“Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.”

“I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”

“Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.”

“I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.”

“Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.”

“I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time… Its Free!”

“I'm always a bit shy around evil people…”

“I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.”

“Twas the night before Thanksgiving.
All the food's in the oven.
And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.”

“Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.”

“I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps.”

“Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.”

“When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.”

“Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012”

“I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.”