Christopher Moore citations

Page 3

“I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.”

“Heinous fuckery most foul!”

“… as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.”

“King Lear: What is your name?
Kent / Caius: Caius.
King Lear: And whence do you hale?
Kent / Caius: From Bonking, Sire.
King Lear: Well, yes, lad as do we all.”

“She's evil. Evil, evil, evil. I want to see her naked.”

“Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say "attaboy".”

“May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.”

“She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.”

“The angel has confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become Spider-Man. […] The children need heroes, he says. I think he just wants to swing from buildings in tight red jammies.”

“Love? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the f*ck? Love?”

“Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.”

“It's like time travel only, you know, slower…”

“It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer… a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.”

“He has the attention span of a hummingbird.”

“The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.”

“The value of the work we do is the value we give to it.”

“Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair..”

“… but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?”

“She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.”

“Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?”

“Words, words, words, a million million words circle in my head like hawks, waiting to dive onto the page to rend and tear the only two words I want to write.

Why me?”

“Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers?
Mrs. Ling: Could be…. You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.”

“Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess”

“I think I'm what they call a never-was.”

“All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?”

“You want me and I want you. right?"
Who did she think she was? You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's Syndrome. He said, "Well, I guess. Yeah, that's right.”

“Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the room, then gone with the light.”

“Adeline had come to Christianity the same way she had come to sex and smoking:through peer pressure. Thinking about her six kids and her smoker's hack, she wondered if perhaps peer pressure didn't always lead to the best habits.”

“… And so Charlie Asher… led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.”