Warren Farrell: Trending quotes

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“Commitment often means that a woman achieves her primary fantasy, while a man gives his up. In exchange for forfeiting his primary fantasy, what does he hope to fulfill? His primary need: intimacy.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Why Men Are the Way They Are (1988), p. 150.

“Hochschild’s biggest mistake, though, was one made by almost every popularized housework study: not adequately measuring men’s contribution to work around the home. For example, if mom drives the children to daycare, it’s called housework; if dad drives the family to grandma’s, it isn’t called housework.”

Warren Farrell

Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say (2000)

“Since no one is always right, always being right is really a role model for his children feeling inadequate.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Father and Child Reunion (2001), p. 120.

“We do not yet understand that when we neglect men, we rape women.”

Warren Farrell book The Myth of Male Power

Source: The Myth of Male Power (1993), Part III: Government as substitute husband, p. 336.

“I define power as control over one’s life. Pay is not about power. Pay is about giving up power to get the power of pay.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Why Men Earn More (2005), p. xxiv.

“The first instinctive response to any criticism is a defensive response. (The quicker the response, the more defensive.)”

Warren Farrell

Source: Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say (2000), p. 40.

“The most frequent way men are raped by adult women is "birth control rape."”

Warren Farrell book The Myth of Male Power

Source: The Myth of Male Power (1993), Part III: Government as substitute husband, p. 335.

“No movement calls [migrant workers] oppressed for providing money for women from whom they are receiving neither cooking nor cleaning; for providing their wives with homes while they sleep on the ground.”

Warren Farrell book The Myth of Male Power

Source: The Myth of Male Power (1993), Part II: The Glass Cellars of the disposable sex, p. 111.

“From a woman’s perspective, sharing parent time feels like what a man might experience if his ex-wife came to his office and shared his career. He might claim the sharing is not in the best interests of the employer. But what he really would be caring about is the affront should his ex-wife do as good as he at his own job. While the fear is understandable, the difference is that his career is his, their children are theirs.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Father and Child Reunion (2001), p. 191.

“The emphasis of the men’s group was on understanding, coping, changing the situation and then, if all else failed, getting out; the emphasis of battered women’s groups is on getting out first, and second, locking up the problem”

Warren Farrell

the man
Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say (2000)

“No force is more powerful -- or more multiple -- than the family.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Father and Child Reunion (2001), p. 246.

“Test this out on yourself. Imagine that for a month you have neither had your garbage picked up nor an opportunity to read about new anthropological discoveries. Which would you pay more money to remedy? A society that functions effectively adjusts the pay until the supply matches the need. Failure to make these adjustments not only leaves streets filled with garbage, but also leaves unemployment lines filled with anthropologists.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Why Men Earn More (2005), p. 211.

“Why do we resist giving help to homeless men? In part because we don’t understand how our pressure on men to support families often forces men to take transient jobs that are but a step away from homelessness (the death-of-a-salesman jobs, the migrant worker jobs…) and in part because we respond differently to men who fail”

Warren Farrell book The Myth of Male Power

than women who fail
Source: The Myth of Male Power (1993), Part II: The Glass Cellars of the disposable sex, p. 209.

“In a Stage II world, in communities in which survival is mastered enough to create a balance with self-fulfillment, we have the option of “relationship language” that nourishes the soul.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Father and Child Reunion (2001), p. 116.

“Men are the Rosie-the-Riveters of parenting: They’re brought in only when needed, and considered disposable thereafter.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Father and Child Reunion (2001), p. 115.

“For thousands of years, most marriages were in Stage I--survival-focused. After World War II, marriages increasingly flirted with Stage II--a self-fulfillment focus… Love's definition is in a transition.”

Warren Farrell book The Myth of Male Power

Source: The Myth of Male Power (1993), Part 1: The Myth of Male Power, p. 42.

“A family that knows how to play together has the tools to stay together.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Father and Child Reunion (2001), p. 59.

“Four men describe how their wives hit them in the lower back with a pole, cracked them over the head or in the neck with a frying pan… the audience renews its laughter after each story. The men are part of a “PMS Men’s Support Group.” Imagine an audience of men laughing as battered women describe how their husbands threatened them with brain or spinal cord injuries by battering them over their heads or in their necks with a frying pan.”

Warren Farrell

Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say (2000)

“Unfortunately, the process of gaining money in [a man’s] life usually meant alienating the wife in his life. Sometimes this leads to a legal divorce, but more often to a psychological divorce. Which is why a survey of doctors’ wives reported in Medical/Mrs. Found the doctors’ wives harboring hostility that was ‘stunning to behold.’ Yet the wives remained married to the doctors. Why? More than anything else, the wives said, they wanted security from marriage… the men, then, were often prostitutes to an illusion of emotional security. At least their wives had the reality of economic security.”

Warren Farrell book The Myth of Male Power

Source: The Myth of Male Power (1993), Part II: The Glass Cellars of the disposable sex, p. 203.

“Nothing threatens a father’s involvement in the family more than his obligation to be the family’s “financial womb,” creating “The Father’s ‘Catch-22’”: loving the family by being away from the family. It is the irony of traditional fatherhood: being a father by not being a father.”

Warren Farrell

Source: Father and Child Reunion (2001), p. 90.