Stephen Colbert: Quotes about time

“Of course, at the time, we thought we were being farcical.”

Stephen Colbert

New York Magazine interview http://nymag.com/news/politics/22322/ (16 October 2006)
Context: Language has always been important in politics, but language is incredibly important to the present political struggle. Because if you can establish an atmosphere in which information doesn't mean anything, then there is no objective reality. The first show we did, a year ago, was our thesis statement: What you wish to be true is all that matters, regardless of the facts. Of course, at the time, we thought we were being farcical.

Time

“Over the last five years you people were so good — over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.”

Stephen Colbert

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
Context: As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America — with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good — over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

People , Intelligence , Time

“Do you know what I like about comedy? You can’t laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.”

Stephen Colbert

Parade interview http://www.parade.com/articles/editions/2007/edition_09-23-2007/AStephen_Colbert (23 September 2007)
Variant: You can’t laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
Context: Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can’t laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.

Time

“it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.”

Stephen Colbert

School , Home , Time

“‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!”

Stephen Colbert

Time , Personality

“brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.”

Stephen Colbert

Time

“That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.”

Stephen Colbert