Sarah Silverman Quotes (33 quotes) | Quotes of famous people

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The Bedwetter

Sarah Silverman

Sarah Silverman: 33 quotes 1 like

Famous Sarah Silverman Quotes

“I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.”

Sarah Silverman

The Sarah Silverman Program

“Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know … because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years … but younger black women are prostitutes.”

Sarah Silverman

The Sarah Silverman Program

“I want to get an abortion. But my boyfriend and I are having trouble conceiving.”

Sarah Silverman

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

“I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.”

Sarah Silverman

To Pamela Anderson on the Comedy Central Roast (14 August 2005)

“I’ll take this opportunity to answer one of the most repeated questions: why didn’t I choose to depict Mohammed having sex? The answer is simple. I don’t want to get blown up with explosives. I’m afraid of angering Muslims, but not afraid of angering Jews and Christians. So I chose to depict the Judeo-Christian God instead. It seems extremely obvious to me, but so many people asked.”

Sarah Silverman book The Bedwetter

The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee (2010). Referring to a sketch on The Sarah Silverman Program in which her character slept with God.

“I wear this Saint Christopher medal sometimes because — I'm Jewish — but my boyfriend is Catholic. It was cute, the way he gave it to me. He said if it doesn't burn through my skin, it will protect me. Who cares? Different religions.
The only time it's an issue, I suppose, would be like if you're having a baby and you've got to figure out how you want to raise it. Which still wouldn't be an issue for us, because we'd be … honest, and just say, you know, like, "Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!"”

Sarah Silverman

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

Sarah Silverman Quotes about people

“I got jury duty … and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks."”

Sarah Silverman

And who doesn't?
The Conan O'Brien Show (11 July 2001) In the original joke, Silverman had said "niggers" instead of "chinks", the network asked her to change it from the first to the latter. The network and O'Brien then apologized for airing this statement, Silverman did not, stating that it was plainly satirizing the racist thought process.

“I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?”

Sarah Silverman

The Sarah Silverman Program

“Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people that believe it was the blacks.”

Sarah Silverman

The New Yorker (24 October 2005)

“People who call themselves divas…you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.”

Sarah Silverman

Real Time with Bill Maher episode 145, 13 March 2009

“People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne." I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!”

Sarah Silverman

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

“The writers of "Sanford and Son" were so brave in bringing their program to television. I mean, working with all those black people!”

Sarah Silverman

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

Sarah Silverman Quotes about love

“I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.”

Sarah Silverman

To Courtney Love on her Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson (14 August 2005)

“I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love. Jesus' words have become so perverted over time — it's been like a game of telephone. If he existed, Jesus would fuckin' kill himself.”

Sarah Silverman

Interview with boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel for Esquire magazine (January 2007)

“I love you more than bears love honey,
I love you more than Jews love money,
I love you more than Asians are good at math.
I love you even if it's not hip,
I love you more than black guys don't tip,
I love you like Puerto Ricans need baths.”

Sarah Silverman

Satirical song
Jesus Is Magic (2005)