P.G. Wodehouse: Trending quotes

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P.G. Wodehouse: 604 quotes16 likes

“You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower.”

P.G. Wodehouse book Right Ho, Jeeves

Source: Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

“I always advise people never to give advice.”

P.G. Wodehouse

“He expressed the opinion that the world was in a deplorable state. I said, 'Don't talk rot, old Tom Travers.' 'I am not accustomed to talk rot,' he said. 'Then, for a beginner,' I said, 'you do it dashed well.' And I think you will admit, boys and ladies and gentlemen, that that was telling him.”

P.G. Wodehouse book Right Ho, Jeeves

Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

“Nature, when planning this sterling fellow, shoved in a lot more lower jaw than was absolutely necessary and made the eyes a bit too keen and piercing for one who was neither an Empire builder nor a traffic policeman.”

P.G. Wodehouse book Right Ho, Jeeves

Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

“The discovery of a toy duck in the soap dish, presumably the property of some former juvenile visitor, contributed not a little to this new and happier frame of mind. What with one thing and another, I hadn't played with toy ducks in my bath for years, and I found the novel experience most invigorating. For the benefit of those interested, I may mention that if you shove the thing under the surface with the sponge and then let it go, it shoots out of the water in a manner calculated to divert the most careworn. Ten minutes of this and I was enabled to return to the bedchamber much more the old merry Bertram.”

P.G. Wodehouse book Right Ho, Jeeves

Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

“If the prophet Job were to walk into the room at this moment, I could sit swapping hard-luck stories with him till bedtime.”

P.G. Wodehouse book Right Ho, Jeeves

Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

“What you want, my lad, and what you're going to get are two very
different things.”

P.G. Wodehouse book Right Ho, Jeeves

Source: Right Ho, Jeeves

“And as for Gussie Fink-Nottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming him on sight.”

P.G. Wodehouse book Right Ho, Jeeves

Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

“"I don't want to seem always to be criticizing your methods of voice production, Jeeves," I said, "but I must inform you that that 'Well, sir' of yours is in many respects fully as unpleasant as your 'Indeed, sir?'”

P.G. Wodehouse book Right Ho, Jeeves

Like the latter, it seems to be tinged with a definite scepticism. It suggests a lack of faith in my vision. The impression I retain after hearing you shoot it at me a couple of times is that you consider me to be talking through the back of my neck, and that only a feudal sense of what is fitting restrains you from substituting for it the words 'Says you!'"
Source: Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

“… there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this:
"He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute.”

P.G. Wodehouse book My Man Jeeves

Source: My Man Jeeves

“One of the first lessons life teaches us is that on these occasions of back-chat between the delicately-nurtured a man should retire into the offing, curl up in a ball, and imitate the prudent tactics of the opossum, which, when danger is in the air, pretends to be dead, frequently going to the length of hanging out crêpe and instructing its friends to stand round and say what a pity it all is.”

P.G. Wodehouse book Very Good, Jeeves

Very Good, Jeeves (1930)

“The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say `When!”

P.G. Wodehouse book Very Good, Jeeves

Very Good, Jeeves (1930)

“And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.”

P.G. Wodehouse book The Adventures of Sally

The Adventures of Sally (1922)
Source: Mostly Sally

“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”

P.G. Wodehouse

Source: Very Good, Jeeves!

“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”

P.G. Wodehouse

The Man Upstairs (1914)
Source: The Man Upstairs and Other Stories

“'There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, "Do trousers matter?"'
‘The mood will pass, sir.’”

P.G. Wodehouse book The Code of the Woosters

Source: The Code of the Woosters (1938)

“Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.”

P.G. Wodehouse

Source: Very Good, Jeeves!