Jon Stewart: Trending quotes

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Jon Stewart: 242 quotes0 likes

“You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?”

After being accused by Carlson of not having asked John Kerry hard-hitting enough questions during an interview on The Daily Show.
Crossfire Appearance (2004)

“As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal—in all of those areas, I am looking forward to the end of the Bush administration with every fiber of my being.”

Jon Stewart

Hartford Advocate Interview (2008)

“Through most of colonial history, inhabitants of the 13 colonies were loyal subjects of the British crown — resourceful, dedicated and as the Third Duchess of Kent… was fond of saying, "Some tea-drinkin' motherfuckahs." In fact, whenever the subject of the New World was mentioned, the Duchess could always be counted on for a wistful head-shake and a hearty "Motherfuckahs love that motherfuckin' tea."”

Jon Stewart book America

America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (2004)

“I have not found this generation to be cynical or apathetic or selfish. They are as strong and as decent as any people that I have met. And I will say this, on my way down here I stopped at Bethesda Naval, and when you talk to the young kids that are there that have just been back from Iraq and Afghanistan, you don’t have the worry about the future that you hear from so many that are not a part of this generation but judging it from above.”

Jon Stewart

College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004)

“And the other thing… that I will say is, when I spoke earlier about the world being broke, I was somewhat being facetious, because every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.”

Jon Stewart

College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004)

“The best part is that I'm able to come in, and whenever I want, choose an intern… oh, wait — Is this being recorded? No, the coolest part is the ability to have a silly thought about whatever is going on in your world at 10 o'clock in the morning, and be able to see it go out on the airwaves at 11 o'clock that night. That's an amazing privilege.”

Jon Stewart

Philadelphia Inquirer interview, April 22, 2007

“We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is — on the brink of catastrophe — torn by polarizing hate and how it’s a shame that we can’t work together to get things done, but the truth is we do. We work together to get things done every damn day!”

Jon Stewart

Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear closing speech (2010)

“But on what basis should the three branches of government be divided? It came down to two dueling ideas: Madison's proposal of an executive, judicial and legislative branch, and Georgia's Joseph Morton's proposal to dole out power according to, "The presence, forbearance, rectictude and largeosity of one's 'Plums and Carrot'." After much deliberation, it was decided Madison's proposal would be accepted, Morton only relenting after the Constitutional Convention agreed to proclaim him "impressive."”

Jon Stewart book America

America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (2004)

“This show is our own personal beliefs.”

Jon Stewart

Paley Center interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpSw0j8-4_o&feature=SeriesPlayList&p=C889CCEBD1303E1D, in response to an audience question, "How do you keep your own personal beliefs from showing up in the show?"

“The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.”

Jon Stewart

Charleston Gazette interview http://jon.happyjoyfun.net/tran/1999/99_0109charl.html, January 9, 1999

“They said I wasn't being funny. And I said to them, "I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow."”

Jon Stewart

Your Show Blows http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=120614&title=Your-Show-Blows/, October 18, 2004 <br class="br">Crossfire Appearance (2004)

“Are you insane?!”

Jon Stewart

Responding to King's example, "So, you wouldn't want Medicare to fail?"

“Jon Stewart: And I made a special effort to come on the show today, because I have privately, amongst my friends and also in occasional newspapers and television shows, mentioned this show as being bad.
Paul Begala: We have noticed.
Stewart: And I wanted to — I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here and tell you that I don't — it's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America.
Tucker Carlson: But in its defense —
Stewart: But I wanted to come here today and say — Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys:
Carlson: Yes.
Stewart: Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America.”

Jon Stewart

“Howard Kurtz: CNN has is broadcasting your show internationally.
Jon Stewart: I am not.
Kurtz: Does that make you legitimate?
Stewart: No, I am illegitimate. I am the bastard son of anything. We're not— we're fake.”

Jon Stewart

“Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.”

Jon Stewart book Naked Pictures of Famous People

Naked Pictures of Famous People (1998)

“My life [is] a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I’m actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.”

Jon Stewart

College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004)

“Tonight is the night we celebrate excellence in film, with me, the fourth male lead from Death to Smoochy.”

Jon Stewart

Rent it.
The 78th Academy Awards (2006)

“If you look on their lawn, there are… it looks like a tent city of reporters. I don't know what insight they think they're going to glean from these people's grief, but if there's ever a situation where someone who's just lost their daughter has anything to say other than "this sucks," I'd be happy to see a news crew on their lawn, but until then, why are these people there?”

Jon Stewart

On exploitative media coverage of the Danielle Van Dam case, Paley Center for Media interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OymCVXtl3-4&feature=channel_page, 2002

“Hitler: (biting into a bagel) First of all, Larry, I don't know what I was so afraid of. These are delicious!!!”

Jon Stewart book Naked Pictures of Famous People

Adolf Hitler is interviewed by Larry King.
Naked Pictures of Famous People (1998)

“May 3, 325: Rome built.”

Jon Stewart book America

America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (2004)