Jon Stewart: Trending quotes (page 3)

“Why no women, blacks, or non-Christians have answered the founders' challenge is a mystery, though most indications point to some inherent genetic flaw.”

“If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.”

“If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?”

“If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.”

“I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance”

“I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.”

“Here's how bizarre the war is that we're in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn't want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.”

“Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.”

“Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.”

“By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.”

“Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.”

“Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot.”

“If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.”

“We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.”

“To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!”

“The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.”

“To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.”

“Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.”

“We've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings differently. Blacks developed the blues. Jews complained, we just never thought of putting it to music.”