Joe Orton: Trending quotes

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“On the bus going home I heard a most fascinating conversation between an old man and woman. "What a thing, though," the old woman said. "You'd hardly credit it." "She's always made a fuss of the whole family, but never me," the old man said. "Does she have a fire when the young people go to see her?" "Fire?" "She won't get people seeing her without warmth." "I know why she's doing it. Don't think I don't," the old man said. "My sister she said to me, 'I wish I had your easy life.' Now that upset me. I was upset by the way she phrased herself. 'Don't talk to me like that,' I said. 'I've only got to get on the phone and ring a certain number,' I said, 'to have you stopped.'" "Yes," the old woman said, "And you can, can't you?" "Were they always the same?" she said. "When you was a child? Can you throw yourself back? How was they years ago?" "The same," the old man said. "Wicked, isn't it?"”

Joe Orton

the old woman said. "Take care, now" she said, as the old man left her. He didn't say a word but got off the bus looking disgruntled.
Wednesday 18 January 1967 (p. 66)
The Orton Diaries (1986)

“Truscott: Do you realize what I'm doing here?
McLeavy: No. Your every action has been a mystery to me.
Truscott: That is as it should be. The process by which the police arrive at the solution to a mystery is, in itself, a mystery.”

Joe Orton

Loot (1965), Act II

“Fay: What will you do when you're old?
Hal: I shall die.
Fay: I see you're determined to run the gamut of all experience.”

Joe Orton

Loot (1965), Act I

“Fay: You've been a widower for three days. Have you considered remarrying yet?
McLeavy: No.
Fay: Why not?
McLeavy: I've been so busy with the funeral.”

Joe Orton

Loot (1965), Act I

“Mrs Prentice: My uterine contractions have been bogus for some time!
Prentice: What a discovery! Married to the mistress of the fraudulent climax.”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act I

“Rance: A search party must be organized. What have you in the way of dogs?
Prentice: A spaniel and a miniature poodle.
Rance: Let them be unleashed!”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act I

“Rance: Were your relations with your secretary normal?
Prentice: Yes.
Rance: Well, Prentice, your private life is your own affair. I find it shocking none the less.”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act I

“Nick: I've also found someone to take an option on the photographs.
Mrs Prentice: What photographs?
Nick: I had a camera concealed in the room.
Mrs Prentice: When I gave myself to you the contract didn't include cinematic rights.
Nick: I'd like a hundred quid for the negatives. You've got until lunchtime.
Mrs Prentice: I shall complain to the manager.
Nick: It will do you no good. He took the photographs.
Mrs. Prentice: Oh, this is scandalous! I'm a married woman.
Nick: You didn't behave like a married woman last night.”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act I

“Mrs Prentice: You put me in an impossible position.
Nick: No position is impossible when you're young and healthy.”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act I

“Prentice: My nerves are on edge.
Rance: You should consult a qualified psychiatrist.
Prentice: I am a qualified psychiatrist.
Rance: You're a fool. That isn't quite the same thing. Though, in your case, the two may have much in common.”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act II

“Usual messages from the heads of the establishment. The Queen from Windsor, the Pope from Rome: Pilate and Caiaphas celebrating the birth of Christ.”

Joe Orton

Sunday 25 December 1966 (p. 38)
The Orton Diaries (1986)

“Prentice: What this young woman claims is a tissue of lies.
Match: This is a boy, sir. Not a girl. If you're baffled by the difference it might be as well to approach both with caution.”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act II

“Nick: I'm sorry if my behaviour last night caused your wife anxiety, but I've a burning desire to sleep with every woman I meet.
Prentice: That's a filthy habit and, in my opinion, very injurious to the health.
Nick: It is, sir. My health's never been the same since I went off stamp-collecting.
Prentice: We have an overall moral policy in this clinic from which even I am not exempt. Whilst you're with us I shall expect you to show an interest in no one's sexual organs but your own.
Nick: I would miss a lot of fun that way.
Prentice: That is the object of the exercise.”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act I

“Mrs Prentice: Have you taken up transvestism? I'd no idea our marriage teetered on the edge of fashion.”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act I

“Sir — In finding so much to praise in 'Entertaining Mr. Sloane,' which seems to be nothing more than a highly sensationalized, lurid, crude and over-dramatised picture of life at its lowest, surely your dramatic critic has taken leave of his senses.The effect this nauseating work had on me was to make we want to fill my lungs with some fresh, wholesome Leicester Square air. A distinguished critic, if I quote him correctly, felt the sensation of snakes crawling around his ankles while watching it.Yours truly,Peter Pinnell”

Joe Orton

This letter was written by Orton under a pseudonym and was published by the Daily Telegraph (p.283 of the Orton Diaries)
The Orton Diaries (1986), The Edna Welthorpe letters

“Truscott: Why aren't you both at the funeral? I thought you were mourners.
Fay: We decided not to go. We were afraid we might break down.
Truscott: That's a selfish attitude to take. The dead can't bury themselves, you know.”

Joe Orton

Loot (1965), Act I

“Geraldine: I've no idea who my father was.
Prentice: I'd better be frank, Miss Barclay. I can't employ you if you're in any way miraculous. It would be contrary to established practice. You did have a father?
Geraldine: Oh, I'm sure I did. My mother was frugal in her habits, but she'd never economize unwisely.”

Joe Orton

What the Butler Saw (1969), Act I

“Hal: God is a gentleman. He prefers blondes.”

Joe Orton

Loot (1965), Act II

“Fay: The Ten Commandments. She was a great believer in some of them.”

Joe Orton

Loot (1965), Act I