Dave Barry: Likeness

“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”

Dave Barry

Coffee

“Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!”

Dave Barry

Thinking

“If, when you talk to people, they keep backing away from you, it's because you're TOO CLOSE, alright? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER.”

Dave Barry

People

“He felt a momentary pang of regret that he had not spent more time with his beloved wife. But it passed when he remembered that the reason he’d gone to sea in the first place was that he had never really liked his beloved wife.”

Dave Barry book Peter and the Starcatchers

Source: Peter and the Starcatchers

Time , Sea

“The transportation bill had over $5 billion worth of special local projects and favors attached to it, lamprey-like, by various congresspersons. But this is good, because these projects will CREATE JOBS. See, when the GOVERNMENT spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of TAXPAYERS, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.”

Dave Barry

Column for week of February 29, 1992 http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=HgBOAAAAIBAJ&sjid=5osDAAAAIBAJ&pg=5149,5086013&dq=dave-barry+pie+bake&hl=en
Columns and articles

Money , God

“What, exactly, is the Internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a "modem" can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo.”

Dave Barry

Column for August 22, 1999 http://docs.newsbank.com/openurl?ctx_ver=z39.88-2004&rft_id=info:sid/iw.newsbank.com:AWNB:WPIW&rft_val_format=info:ofi/fmt:kev:mtx:ctx&rft_dat=0EB2C3CA5DAE0B10&svc_dat=InfoWeb:aggregated5&req_dat=25BDDD9B91CF4278985B1339326C0BAB
Columns and articles

Way

“What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be "colonial."”

Dave Barry

Nonfiction, Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway (2001)

Life

“The problem is, when Oprah lost all that weight, her head didn't get any smaller. And so she looks kind of like a person carrying a balloon.”

Dave Barry

Playboy interview, May 1990
Columns and articles

Problem , Personality

“When I purchase a food item at the supermarket, I can be confident that the label will state how much riboflavin is in it. The United States government requires this, and for a good reason, which is: I have no idea. I don't even know what riboflavin is. I do know I eat a lot of it. For example, I often start the day with a hearty Kellogg's strawberry Pop-Tart, which has, according to the label, a riboflavin rating of 10 percent. I assume this means that 10 percent of the Pop-Tart is riboflavin. Maybe it's the red stuff in the middle. Anyway, I'm hoping riboflavin is a good thing; if it turns out that it's a bad thing, like "riboflavin" is the Latin word for "cockroach pus," then I am definitely in trouble.”

Dave Barry

Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway (2001)